On my way there

I tend to get in my head and delve into my spirit when i'm on road trips by myself. i don't listen to music or podcasts most of the time. i find it affects my mood and my feelings too much and to really think and meditate on things, i don't want that influence. so a couple things i thought were worth sharing on my most recent trip this weekend through the indiana back roads:

1. what are you reflecting on those you love? when i was a girl and all the way up through my young adulthood, i got so sick of hearing about how i should protect my reputation. my dad preached a few times on that one and all i could ever hear was how i was different because i was a girl. to me it was very old fashioned and completely gender biased. that made me mad and really frustrated me because it was so unfair. it wasn't his fault and i understood that, but that didn't change the way i felt about it. i was very rebellious concerning this particular injustice in life. for a very long time, i made choices directly out of self serving purposes. and reputation never entered my mind. not that i didn't have some amount of integrity and a moral compass, i just got caught up in the ol "i'll do whatever i please" attitude and piss on ya if you don't like it. very, very ugly at times. i would pride myself on the "free spirit" persona i was convinced i had. nothing wrong with being a free spirit, but my free spirit was very selfish. so...all that started changing after i became a mom. i was 31 years old and finally found out what it is to love someone else more than you love yourself. it didn't change me overnight, but it definitely changed me. and now i'm in my 50's and i am finally to the place where i really don't consider myself as much anymore. i have learned a very valuable lesson: when you care about your loved ones more than you care about yourself, you make different, better choices. you don't base all your decisions on yourself anymore. and that will affect the words and the language you use along with your behaviors. now i have this thing in the back of my mind saying "how does this reflect on so and so...". how does what i'm saying or how i'm acting reflect on this person that i love and care about? am i embarrassing them or am i making them feel badly about themselves or about me? am i hurting them? do they feel comfortable when i'm in the room? do they know that i care? can they feel my love for them? and to me, all that matters very much. i hope others learn this much sooner than i did.

2. and this: you may as well slow down and enjoy the ride. this is HUGE. i will readily admit that i have a real problem with driving too fast, trying to set records on ETA's and getting over the top pissed off at dumb ass drivers. especially those who drive the speed limit or below in the passing lane and extra especially those from a certain neighboring state which i will not name. (indulge me briefly for this quick PSA: the left lane is for passing only friends. if you drive 70-72mph on the interstate, please stay in the right lane). so anyway, while i was driving, i was behind traffic going about 60 in a 55. too slow for me, but what was i gonna do? it was a no passing 2 lane road through the country side and there were about 3 cars ahead of me. then that's when it came to me: my dear, you may as well relax, slow down and enjoy the ride. you have at least 10 more miles to go on this route. and besides, look around you. this place is beautiful. and isn't the sky lovely today? and the more i thought about how true it was and how i was missing all the beauty around me because i was in such a hurry, the more i realized this is so true in life. the joy of the trip is in the journey!!!! and it's also where all the lessons are. there's a lot to be learned in the scenery. whether it's a beautiful landscape of old farm houses and tobacco fields or it's a bunch of billboards in a dirty city street. there's something there to be ingested. take it in. don't be in such a big hurry to get there. wherever that is. take it all in and let it be. a moment. a picture. a feeling. a memory. a revelation. admiration. thankfulness & gratitude. worship. a lesson.